Stay in Your Lane

I was conditioned to be a people pleaser, so what happened?

My leadership journey has been steady. That’s the best word I can use. I can’t say meteoric, or awe-inspiring because I became a senior leader by following the rules. And the rules were simple: keep your head down, do as you are told, don’t complain and, whatever you do, do not rock the boat.

Rocking the boat was a bad thing. When you are raised by immigrant parents, when you are South Asian, you learn very quickly to stay out of the limelight. Racists might see you. You might damage your chances of doing well if you are thought of as ‘troublesome’. Your voice becomes quieter and you do not self-advocate.

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how I even managed to seek promotion. At first, I learned my craft, and when I became good at my job (and when I realised I was doing the work of the person above me), I let my sense of injustice guide me. I should be paid for my labour - that was my initial driver. But that doesn’t mean I valued my level of expertise and it certainly doesn't mean I made good choices. I remember applying for a Head of Department role at a new school, not getting it and accepting a sideways move there. Why did I do that? I was grateful, because I learned that we have to be grateful when offered something. Opportunities don’t throw themselves at us, so take what you are given.

I was miserable. I wasted my years there.

The driver changed as I grew older. This was partly because I found networks of people who, like me, knew that they could be short-changed by the system. The initial WomenEd movement and the grassroots organisations that followed showed me that people who looked like me could be leaders. Suddenly, the thought of raising my head and asking for what I wanted didn’t seem so impossible. I remember giving the closing keynote at the very WomenEd Unconference and it was entitled ‘Why I’m Not Leaning In’, in reference to the Sheryl Sandberg book ‘Lean In’. Her book encouraged women to sit at the table with men and hold their own. But I had tried that. So I talked that day about creating my own table and inviting people to sit with me.

I didn’t realise then what I know now, that in openly telling people I was going to rock a boat, would mean that I would go on to lead differently. In 2017, I co-founded Diverse Educators with Hannah Wilson. It was me not staying in my lane.

In some ways, it started a domino-tumble. I spoke out on social media about women’s representation in leadership (and faced the hostility that came with the backlash). I started talking about race and identity (and faced the abuse that came from keyboard warriors). I wrote a book in 2020 that encompassed, albeit briefly, my thoughts on diversity in schools.

This was not my staying in my lane.

If I had stayed in my lane, I would have stayed still. I might have ended up where I wanted to be, but it would have been painfully long. I became a Deputy Headteacher, but I wanted more. So now I have many job titles. Mother first. Writer. Consultant. Trainer. Coach. In all of these spaces, I don’t have to stay in my lane. I get to lead with a voice.

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If you are considering how to move out of your lane, take a look at the Powerful Pathways programme I have created with Malarvilie Krishnasamy. We aim to support your leadership journey, in whatever space you are in.

Click here to sign up and there will be another link to secure your booking with payment: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/powerful-pathways-tickets-1070440639769?aff=oddtdtcreator